south dakota is the worst state in america

Rochester to Mt Rushmore

So right now we are stopped at subway in South Dakota and I am contemplating suicide. South Dakota is everything I dreamed it would be, many toothless people,  13 year olds and 95 year olds driving pick up trucks and more motorcycles than cars, no one ever wearing helmets. Everyone is nice as pie though!

I have made alex and jenni listen to this song I just discovered called pretty girl rock. It says “don’t hate me cause I’m beautiful” (my philosophy on life) and I really enjoy the tune.

In Minnesota we saw more wind mills than I have ever seen in all of my life combined. It was fascinating, alex and jenni asked me how they worked cause I am a smart engineer, so I explained how wind energy is converted to electricity using a generator. Now that I’m a college graduate I can discuss things like that

this is a 95 year old lady driving a pickup truck in south dakota, you can't see her because she is so small because she is so old

we saw 2000 windmills

we left alex here to be in her natural habitat

 wyoming, there are only horses, no cars

this is a wildabeast we found in hannibals house, i thought  wildabeasts were fictional, but they're real and here is one

Update, we are only 2 license plates away from being CHAMPIONS OF THE LICENSE PLATE GAME 2012!!!! If you see Hawaii or lousiana in the near future please shoot me a text, because there’s a better chance of finding a chipotle in all of the Midwest, and I checked. There are none.

Then I checked all of the news, to see what is happening outside of south Dakota, w hich  is hard because this is such a happening place. That dude is Syria is such a prick and I hope someone abducts him and brings him to South Dakota, then he’ll really wanna bomb things.

this is south dakota and this is all that there is here

In the distance there was a ray of hope in the form of a badland. Thank the sweet god above they were there because I ready to lay down and die in the endless prairies. i'd have more luck being eaten by a cow than run over by a car because there arent any! These are things we passed in south Dakota that made me thank every god in the world that I wasn’t born in south Dakota, a palace made of corn, and the lady from little house on the praire. well, her birthplace, not actually her, i think she's dead. Holy actual smokes how could someone make a tv show from that.

Anyway, so we drove thru the badlands and took 47 pictures, all of which we tried to be artsy and emo and looking like we were contemplating serious moments. Here are some

wow...life

Then we had a debacle because of our hotel, which was the president’s inn suite resort . Google it. It is bad news. We had to switch it or face death by bed bugs, which wouldn’t be my favorite way to die. So because my faja is a traveling salesman, see death of a salesman, that is what my childhood was like, he is a platinum member at holiday inn expresses! So he got us a free one! So we switched hotels. When we got there, the lady was like “listen we’re out of queen beds, can we upgrade you?” and I was thinking in my head, “in what way would a king bed and a jazcuzzi in my room be not ok?” so we got upgraded and alex and jenni swam laps in our Jacuzzi!

our lover's suite!!!

Then we went to mt rushmore, and it was wild! We think that george washington’s ear is going to fall off, in case you were concerned about the future of our metamorphic founding fathers. then we drove around the mt rushmore parking lot looking for louisiana, we found saskatchewan.

mt rushmore!!!!

being bad in the badlands

our favorite photo of the trip

also jill, shout out to you because jenni and i have been taking vitamins every day so were as healthy as the oxen we see in south dakota!

Then we drove through the black hills of south Dakota which was pretty wild. Then we went to Wyoming which is everything you would imagine what Wyoming would look like. Do you know the level in Mario kart that is is the middle of nowhere and there is a train? That is what Wyoming looks like. We took 3 roads in Wyoming and on our first road alex said “holy shit look at this road, there is nothing there!” then she said that for the next 3 roads because there was nothing there.

this is wyoming

chicagoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Chicago to Minnesota

So as soon as we got to chicago, we drove to alex’s cousin, whose name is tommy, restaurant. Tommy valet parked the car and then we had the nicest dinner in all of time. we had an appetizer and cocktails! Only things that adults have! And it was all free!! There is nothing better than a free meal to a college student, and I am still considering us college students, because tommy said that we are all grouped into the college student category. I’ll allow it. Then we walked around in wicker park which is so wild and trendy and nice. One lady was walking down the street, and alex was like “ is that a hooker?” and I was like “no she is just trendy”. Very confusing  wardrobes for country bumpkins like ourselves. Then we went into American apparel and wondered why colorful spandex and sweatshirts were so expensive. We also talked about hipsters and wondered why they have to wear weird shit, and they all wear the same weird shit, which makes them th e same, which is the opposite of what a hipster wants. I am a hipster for wearing my yellow shoes around, no one in the world has those. Too trendy.

lookin good in millenium park

deep dish pizza

Then the next day we went into Chicago, with the help of tommy, alex’s cousin, who was the best tour guide in all of tour guide history, he knew more about my favorite water building than I did, and I love buildings. He told us where to go to the bean, so that was our number one priority. We ate pizza that was deep dish and is more like a lactoseintolerants worst nightmare, but delicious as hell. Then we went to a fountain which alex said, in alex voice “guys, this fountain shoots 100 stories high!!!”  alex, if that was the case it would be about the height of the world trade center, and the water pressure needed to power that fountain would be redonkulous. Then we found the bean. There was a model there who weighed probably 50 pounds. I wanted to give her a hamburger. I’ve never realized how skinny they are in real life. Then we went to my favorite building in all of time! the aqua building. It is new skyscraper in Chicago that has concrete plates in circular shapes that make it look super duper sweet!

leavin the burgh

cheese for days

trendy as hell

 Then Justin met us and we went for sushi at his old restaurant, I’ve only ever eaten bison sushi, so it was super duper and it had raw fish and I actually didn’t throw up!

Then we went to justin’s friends house and hung out, which gave us hope for the afterlife (aka after college) because all graduates are bonded together due to our love of alcoholic beverages and willingness to cut off an arm to go back to college. This kid was all knowing about lsd, getting arrested, and editing movie scripts, 3 things we knew all about. Wanting to fit in to our surroundings, we pretended we knew what in the heck he was talking about. We didn’t.  side note. We are about to win the license plate game, we only have 5 states left.

my favorite building in all fo time!

Then we went home and woke up and went to dunkin donuts where they only gave us 2 ketchups/breakfast sandwich, had a 30 minute seating limit, and had to be buzzed into the bathroom. It was also hot as balls. We were sweating. And then I thought, this is not India people. Then after I ate a breakfast sandwich, I wanted nothing more than chocolate ice cream, which is unusual because I hate chocolate ice cream, however, it may or maynot have been my time of the month. Conveniently the dunkin donuts was also a baskin robbins! Wow! 

So then I got chocolate ice cream but it took this man, whose name was mohammed, 6.3 minutes to check me out. He pressed 107 buttons, which is weird because I got a childs size cup of chocolate ice cream. Then alex came out of the bath room and I told her to watch our stuff, which immediately she did not listen to and she was like “ ICE CREAM!’” Then I had to raise my voice and I was like no watch our stuff, because there was a snatcher lurking, I saw him. Then she went over and watched out stuff.

the beannnn

Now we are driving and have 6 hours to go. We are visiting my cousin Hannibal lecter who i have not seen in 7 years.

Day 1-PITTSBURGH to chicago

Hey Yinz Guys,

before you do anything, type america into google.

So yesterday we drove away from our home for four years and it was emotional as hell! Alex started balling at the house, and although I cried there, I totally lost it when we pulled away from our friends.  Plug for Bucknell, we realized that we met some of our best friends in the world there, had some amazing times, and will definitely be lifelong friends!  But then I said to myself, people graduate from college every single year and they survive! Then we went to the burgh! And Alex’s car was holding like 17 dead bodies, or the weight of that anyway, and could barely go more than 45 miles on the highway. I would like to talk at this point about Alex’s effing pillow, that is what Jenni and I call it. It is husband in nature (with those arm things) and about 16/17 dead bodies. It won’t smush at all, and she WILL NOT get rid of it, coming fom the girl who decided to bring half a bottle of soysauce and olive oil across the country, because we’ll really need those when we run out of soysauce for our mcdonalds hamburgers. She won’t let us throw it away although Jenni and I have tried 3x already. Once we arrived in a burgh, We had spaghetti with Sandlebar, my mom, whose passion in life is making people eat food, so we ate a lot of food. For the first time in my life I had to be packed neatly, I normally throw all of my shit in the car bagless and go Pittsburgh or bust. However, now that I am real (an adult) I packed very adult like and neat. I am so responsible now. I also have stopped checking for bad guys when I go to sleep the day that I graduated from college, 4 days and counting. My friends came over and we drank yuengling like true yinzers. Then we slept for days, Alex and I went to get her car fixed when we woke up to make sure we didn’t die on our trip. Sand fed us again and then we were off on our way to Chicago! The Windy City! The Land of the Bean! Wahoo!

On our way to Chicago, specifically, in ohio, the worst state in America, although somehow with the best rest stops ever. As we are driving, guess who we see? Three girls who we don’t know, but they are driving to Washington! What a coincidence! Wowzers!!

Real Pictures will come tomorrow